Vanilla Shift: Sex Writing—and Maybe Sex Itself—Takes a Turn for the Conservative

A piece from my sex column Head First, published in the final print issue of the iconic San Francisco Bay Guardian

I moved to the Bay Area in January of last year to become a part of sex writing history—to follow in the footsteps of sex positive pioneers like On Our Backs editor Susie Bright, porn star and author Annie Sprinkle, and of course, Carol Queen, renowned erotic author and founder of San Francisco’s Center for Sex and Culture. San Francisco has the reputation of being a paragon for activist sex writing, so when I got my column at the San Francisco Bay Guardian, I was elated to join the ranks of the greats.

But after living here for only year, I realize that the sex writing community’s radical reputation may be a thing of the past—and recent cultural changes are causing local sex writing to not only dwindle, but shift toward a more conservative style. Could this shift mean that San Francisco sex itself is becoming more vanilla? Or is it merely a sign of the current media environment's blushing conformity?

"San Francisco used to be the place that you came to pursue sexuality, and now it's the place you come to pursue a job in tech,” said John F. Karr, who has been reviewing porn for The Bay Area Reporter since 1978. “And now the papers are catering more to that sort of identity."

It seems like this identity isn’t that interested in freethinking, alternative sex writing, so there are less opportunities for sex writers than in the past. And since writing stories about blow jobs and kinksters isn’t exactly a lucrative profession, it’s no surprise that sex writers have taken a big hit from the gentrification.

Caitlin Donohue, ex-culture editor for the SFBG and current editor of 4U Mag, says that the tech boom and rising rent costs have forced many writers to either get a “real job” or move out of the city completely, so the perspective and style of sex writing is changing.

“Many of the freak writers are gone,” Donohue said. “And many of the new publications in the city have a very vanilla, very ‘gee whiz, lookit these weirdos’ approach to sex writing as a result.”

Carol Queen said that sex writing veterans of SF may be unsure how to cater their writing to the more formal, business-minded audience of the tech world.

“We are right in the middle of a transitional moment in San Francisco. Greater, I think, than any since the early 70s,” Queen said. “[Sex writers] haven’t figured out how to write for a new group of people who haven’t had sexual discussion in their lives in an open way yet. And I think there’s gonna be, within the next two or three years, a really interesting cultural mix-up that may turn the city into a more conservative place.”

But before the recent tech boom even happened, SF sex writers became more reserved when calling out others in the sex community. A sort of unspoken understanding developed that you don’t ruffle any feathered boas in your writing, lest you offend and get ostracized.

Karr said he noticed that many writers and bloggers are in bed with the local sex scene and industry, so they mostly write press releases instead of real reviews. He’s maintained a purposeful separateness from the scene because he doesn’t want to be beholden to anyone when he sits down to write for the BAR. His dedication to honest reviews has resulted in backlash from porn fans, directors and performers on more than one occasion.

"They despise me because they feel they should only receive praise for their efforts. It's a very closed, hothouse world that they live in,” Karr said. “I write movie reviews where I actually dare to take a critical stance."

Dan Savage, who has been writing his Savage Love sex advice column since 1991, says that there’s a tendency for sex writers in “the scene” (in and outside of SF) to stress over being kind, all-inclusive and politically correct, and that can affect how the writing communicates to the public.

“The punk rock ethos in the 90s chipped into what seems very un-punk rock to me (and I’m using punk rock ironically). The writing in the sex arena has become: ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.’ And that doesn’t necessarily make for compelling writing,” Savage said.

And if papers are changing to cater to the demands of tech and business newbies, compelling writing is crucial to keeping what’s left of the sex writing community alive and relevant. Unfortunately, when the SFBG closed, the city lost some of its most unique sex writing.

“I was proud of the coverage we did at the Bay Guardian—and the work that my team continues to do at 4U Mag—because it reflected the fact that sex and sexuality brings people together,” Donohue said. “Our coverage of queer issues, profiles of alternative sex educators, performers, and artists, and our sex event calendars that included everything from sex ed workshops to Folsom Street Fair to orgies, were tools for a city that put sex at the center of its culture, rather than relegating it to a box underneath their bed or underneath a bunch of socks in their chest of drawers.”

Fortunately, there are still a few publications that keep alternative sex writing alive in SF (i.e. The Bay Area Reporter — the new home for my column in 2015), and the city still has notable sex writing and reading events like The Center For Sex and Culture’s Writers With Drinks as well as Perverts Put Out, the longest running reading series in SF.

But the tech transplants don’t seem to be attending these events or seeking out alternative, radical sex writing. So how can these events and publications keep up their momentum if most of the young people are here for business and not sexual pleasure?

Personally, since moving to SF, it’s been difficult for me to find writers in the Generation Y age bracket who want to keep the writing groups going.

Tracy Clark-Flory, writer for Salon and a fellow Millennial, has also struggled to find a younger writing group, and she’s been living in the Bay Area her whole life.

"I don't feel any sense of community,” said Clark-Flory. “I have a single friend here whose written about sex frequently. I certainly don't have a coven of lady sex writers that I get to gather with on weekends."

The layout of Vanilla Shift for the final print issue of the San Francisco Bay Guardian

It’s possible that those migrating to SF, particularly Millennials, are less interested in writing about sex because they don’t think there’s a need for it.

Past SFBG sex advice columnist Andrea Nemerson said that certain topics no longer need to be hashed out because the writers of the SF sexual revolution have achieved most of their goals.

“All kinds of things that used to be underground, unspoken, filthy, or dirty, are mainstream,” Nemerson said. “I think part of the mission of my wave of sex writers has actually been fulfilled. Information is available. You don’t have to see it as a bad thing. See it as a good thing. Some of it has actually been accomplished.”

Nemerson is right. Certain issues of the past don’t need to be fought for. But in a place that’s so saturated with sex, shouldn’t there be more watchdogs monitoring sex issues? And since so many non-sexperts seem to be moving here, isn’t it crucial that sex writers continue to pump out credible information for those who don’t know any better?

“Sex ed is so terrible; that’s why there’s more sex writers in this country as opposed to other countries,” Savage said. “So [sex writers] actually have an important role to play in educating people.”

Queen said that those within the established sex community know how to be safe in their sexual practices because they’re a part of a close-knit group. But this information isn’t widely known, and if you’re not a member of the group, you’ll miss out.

“The knowledge inside the SF sex community isn’t adequately getting out to young people embarking on their sex lives,” Queen said. “I think a lot of erotic writers and certainly a lot of people in the community take that seriously and are pretty freaked out by it.”

Historically, people moved to SF for the progressive community, the thrill, and the freedom to be whatever sexual person they wanted. It’s disheartening that sex writing is becoming less abundant and less loud ‘n proud as more conservative groups invade the city and locals leave or become complacent. But all is not lost.

The SF writers of yore built a solid foundation for incoming writers like me, and such a vibrant sex writing culture can’t be washed away that easily. I trust that alternative sex writers won’t give up, and they’ll do as their predecessors did—and fight. That’s what I intend to do. So if you need me, I’ll be in seedy dungeons with my thong and my pencil, still writing the good write.